I was hoping that I could just let today go and not acknowledge this farce of a holiday we call Valentine’s Day, but apparently I cannot.
And NO I’m not a bitter jilted woman, I’ve been married for 10 years and we were together 6 years before that. I just don’t believe in Valentine’s Day. I believe that my birthday and our wedding anniversary meet my quota for days I will get mad at my husband for forgetting. We are happily married, we just choose to abstain from V Day. This fabricated Hallmark invention is a ploy to sell thousands of cards, flowers and stupid teddy bears hugging heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. Ewweckkk.
Although sweet at the time, cards do not make us love you more. If anything cards create agita for me. I find myself asking:
- Is a few weeks long enough to leave the card out?
- Am I a heartless robot of a woman if I don’t keep this card and all the other stupid cards until the end of time?
- Do I have to display it for all to see upon entering my house?
“Look everyone, my husband followed the rules and wasted $150 on a stupid card and a pre-fixed dinner at an overcrowded annoying restaurant. He really, really loves me!”
Here’s a tip: flowers mean 10x more if bought on any other day and I have told my husband if he ever buys me any piece of jewelry with a heart on it, I will divorce him on the spot. Kiss does not begin with K, not in my house. I also want to avoid the awkward moment where one person bought a card or teddy bear disaster and left it demurely by your car keys early the eve before Valentine’s Day causing the other, less loving and emotionally involved partner to jet out to the store in sweat pants, something you promised yourself you wouldn’t do anymore.
So I say, let’s do away with this day that only makes single people want to kill themselves more than New Year’s Eve! Let’s do away with a day that makes men buy gifts they don’t want to buy and give them to woman who don’t want to receive them! Imagine a world without Valentine’s Day induced guilt! Who’s with me?!
Oh and if you are in one of those relationships where you COULD find a Lexus with a big red bow sitting in your driveway this morning. No one likes you.
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