VERSES FROM THE ABSTRACT #5 by Nobby V

Now that Thanksgiving is here again, I have a simple request for you culinary ne’er-do-wells who couldn’t cook your way out of a paper bag: do your family a favor and brine the shit out of that bird. Make them suffer through the horrors of that dry, bland excuse for a thing you call a turkey no more. It’s not hard, and if you pull it off you’ll be one step closer to them forgetting about the incident at the rest stop and loving you again.

Here’s a recipe I stole from Alton Brown at FoodNetwork.com
(Full recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_8389,00.html?rsrc=search):

For the brine:
1 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 gallon vegetable stock
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
1 gallon iced water

Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.
Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.