VERSES FROM THE ABSRACT #4 by Nobby V

From the burgeoning junkie to the Nigerian Lottery entrant, poised on the precipice of yet another chasm of idiocy, one truism applies to all: none want to hear your unsolicited advice. Be it from family, friends or coworkers, you will hear several times a day of intended courses of action that make you cringe in their inanity. Indeed, frequently these people will INSIST you listen to their moronic plans. However moronic, though, resist the temptation to proffer your advice unless expressly and explicitly asked to do so.

These people are not looking for your critique: they possess fragile psyches and will crumble under the weight of any perceived criticism. They don’t care what you think, unless you are in complete accordance with their actions, in which case your condonation becomes ammunition against the next critic to dare suggest rest stop bathrooms may not be the most likely locale to find a soulmate.

Otherwise, they inevitably will resent you and your advice, no matter how sound. Should your advice prove to be correct, and the pretty young thing brought home from vacation in Thailand turns out to only be after the money (and, incidentally, also a man), they will resent you making them look foolish, suspecting that in offering advice, you were actually attempting to demonstrate a superior intelligence. Should your advice prove wrong, and the latest studies show sodomizing dead bodies is indeed effective in reducing bad cholesterol, they will wonder what ulterior motive you had in suggesting they avoid graveyards and morgues.

Heed my words: keep your advice to yourself, and rest assured in the knowledge that you are, indeed, smarter than everyone else. Allow a gentle smile to play across your lips as you lay your head to rest upon your pillow each night, for they are idiots, but they will be gone soon enough. And offer a quick prayer that you are not within fifty yards when they go, as they are bound to take those around them down with them.